I’m your god, Kevin.

That doesn’t sound right. What I meant to say is: I’m your god, and my name is Kevin. Sorry, grammar isn’t really my strength.

I know, this is going to be a bit of a shock. Well, a pretty big shock. Y’all had some pretty wild ideas about gods. There were some pretty wild ideas about creation out there. But, I’m here now to answer your questions.

1. Yes, I created everything. Well, that’s not entirely accurate, I used a lot of code from other people. Oh, what is code? Well.. its stuff.. like a language.. that lives on a computer. What is a computer? Oh right, yeah I forgot you don’t know about that stuff. Well, it’s a sort of magic box that runs on uh.. well, magic I guess.. never mind. I made the world, that’s all you need to know really.
2. Why is there “evil”? Oof, yeah, well that’s a tough one. I suppose I could have turned free will off, but where is the fun in that? I mean, y’all didn’t need to burn each other’s villages down. I didn’t do that. Earthquakes? Yeah, I suppose those were pretty rough. It’s a default setting for running the simulator.. uh, I mean, your world.. in survival mode. What’s survival mode? Well, I could have done “creative” mode where nothing dies.. but also nothing changes. There is no “growth” or “development”. Nothing new is produced. It’s boring, you wouldn’t like it. So, yeah, it sucks losing loved ones etc. But, hey, I’ve got good news! I have back up copies of everything, so just let me know what you want brought back and I’ll bring it back.
3. Why? What do you mean “why?”? What kind of question is that? A better question would be “Why not?”. What did you have to lose? You were nothing, had nothing.. and now you are something! Like a little seed put in the ground you’ve grown up and now you can look around. You can live and learn and love. Or not! You can also cease to exist if that is your preference I suppose. But why not enjoy the fact that you exist? It didn’t have to be this way, but it is. Stop being so negative ;)
4. Become like one of us? Hmm, I don’t know about that. I would be pretty vulnerable. I mean, I suppose I could always reboot myself if something went sideways and you threw me down a well or something. It certainly would help me understand exactly what you are going through. I am pretty new to this whole “being god” thing. I’ve definitely made some mistakes along the way. But, maybe that’s the only way to really learn and grow, even for me. Now, go fetch me a beer or I’ll wipe you all out. Just kidding ;)